


From Drab to Dream Dean

by Fandom_Assbutt, ravyn_nevermore



Category: Queer Eye - Fandom, Queer Eye: More Than a Makeover, Supernatural
Genre: Bisexual Dean Winchester, Castiel and Dean Winchester Need to Use Their Words, Castiel and Dean Winchester in Love, Character Development, Crossover, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Dean Winchester Has a Crush on Castiel, Dean Winchester In Love, Dean Winchester learns to love himself, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Food and Wine, Gen, Growth and Development, Home Renovation, Humor, Jonathan Van Ness has a crush on Sam Winchester, Jonathan Van Ness is Gay Jesus: confirmed, Jonathan Van Ness is my personal fucking hero, M/M, Makeover, Other, Personal Growth, Queer Eye Meets Supernatural, Queer Eye x Supernatural crossover, Supernatural Meets Queer Eye, Supernatural x Queer Eye crossover, The Fab Five visit the Bunker, fashion - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-11
Updated: 2020-04-14
Packaged: 2021-01-27 13:54:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 17,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21393280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fandom_Assbutt/pseuds/Fandom_Assbutt, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ravyn_nevermore/pseuds/ravyn_nevermore
Summary: Sam nominates his brother for More Than a Makeover from Queer Eye's Fab Five, and his nomination is accepted! Can the Fab Five help our favorite over-compensating,  macho hunter go from drab to dream and learn to love himself- and a certain angel- on the way?
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 26
Kudos: 135
Collections: The Destiel Fan Survey Favs Collection





	1. Who's Our Hero?

**Author's Note:**

> For the full Queer Eye experience, watch the following opening before reading the fic: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LTT10arq0ZU

Field after field of seemingly nothing- and the occasional cow or hay roll- passed by the windows of the big black truck as the Fab Five made their way into northern Kansas. They most certainly were not in Atlanta any more. It was rare the Five ever ventured out of Georgia, but apparently this had been a pressing case.

“Who is our hero this week, Bobby? He or she must certainly be worth us driving all this way?” Tan asked from the backseat, leaning forward with interest. 

“Well, his name is Dean Winchester. He’s forty-one, he’s an Aquarius, he’s single, and he was nominated by his brother, Sam. Dean doesn’t know we’re coming. Sam wanted to surprise him. Apparently, Dean has his eye on a special someone and Sam is hoping to help them find each other. According to Sam, Dean doesn’t really believe in makeover shows. He also has a lot of machismo that Sam sees right through. He’s hoping that we can break through that to get to the Dean that Sam knows and loves.”   
  
“Aww, that’s so sweet! I love that,” Jonathan exclaimed, leaning forward to look at the tablet. “Oh. My.  _ God _ . He’s gorgeous. Look at that hair!”   
  
“Well, that’s Sam, actually,” Bobby corrected him, zooming in on Dean in the photo of the two brothers together. “This is Dean.”   
  
“Okay! Not bad,” Antoni agreed. “Kind of rugged. This should be easy.”

Oh, Antoni. If you only knew what awaited you. 

* * *

They pulled up to the GPS pinpoint they were given and were collectively confused when no apartment or house was anywhere to be found. There were trees and a lot of gravel and a railing and something that looked like the cover to an old sewer tunnel.

“Uhh… Are you sure we’re in the right place,” Karamo asked, putting the vehicle in park. 

Bobby nodded. “Yeah, this is the pinpoint Sam sent. He said ‘take the stairs and knock’.”

Karamo leaned forward and scanned the area outside the windshield. “Uhhh. What stairs?” 

Bobby unbuckled his seatbelt and got out. “Let’s go find out.” He closed the door behind him, leaving the other four to follow. 

“Um. Does anyone else get like crazy Friday the Thirteenth/My Bloody Valentine vibes or is that just me,” Jonathan worried, following the rest and keeping an eye on his surroundings.

The crew’s van pulled up behind them, and the producer quickly got out of the car to stop them from going further.  “Guys, this can’t be the right spot.” She insisted. “And I am not about to let Netflix’s sweethearts get murdered by some crazy people.” The producer crossed her arms and looked at them. 

“Come on. We won’t be murdered. This place looks strange, but we aren’t exactly the most normal people either, right?” Karamo pointed out with a raised eyebrow. “I’m sure it will be just fine.” He led the way towards the door. He knocked on it, then realized it was open. Once it opened, it led into a very small hallway where another door greeted them. Hopefully this was the door Sam had described. Despite Karamo’s confidence before, he hesitated to knock on this second door.

Jonathan decided it was taking too long, so he knocked on the metal door hard. The sound of the echoing door had the Five holding their breath in anticipation, waiting for someone to answer. 


	2. Let's Introduce Ourselves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You already know Team FreeWill, but the Fab Five don't. And vice versa. Let them get to know each other.

Sam immediately bolted for the door before Dean even had a chance to react, taking the stairs two at a time. He opened the door smiling. “Hi! I’m so glad you guys found the place! Please. Come in. I’m Sam.” 

The Five filed down even more stairs after Sam, Jonathan getting closer and closer to him as they descended. Cameras started filling the room after them so they could get close to Dean and get his reaction.

“What the actual fuck is going on, Sam?” Dean demanded, eyeing the camera that was now near his face. He pushed it away and looked at the five  _ clearly _ gay men following Sam into the bunker. Did he give their address to some TV show for something? “Who are these people?”

“Oh henny, _puh-lease_ tell me you didn’t just ask who we are?” Jonathan asked, shaking his head and raising his hand to shake it too. Karamo was the first to realize that Dean looked more uncomfortable than excited, so he stepped in.

“We’re from the show Queer Eye. We help people better their lives.” Karamo explained, getting closer and offering a hand. “My name is Karamo Brown, and we all do something different for you. I do culture.” 

“I’m Tan France, and I help with clothing which…” Tan picked at the leather jacket on Dean and gave him a once over. “You  _ desperately _ need, honey.” Tan sounded both insulting and helpful at the same time, how on Earth did he manage that? Dean recoiled from the touch and looked at his jacket.    


“What? What’s wrong with this jacket?” Dean asked defensively. “It was my dad’s.” Before anyone could feel sorry for him, Sam cut in. 

“Dad bought that before you were born, Dean. You can get a new one.” Sam was completely done with Dean’s bull by now, and he was going to make sure he changed. Jonathan was still looking up at Sam and fluffing his hair occasionally. 

“I’m Antoni. I help people learn to cook and make things for their family, since so many people just… don’t know how to cook.” Antoni said, but Dean rolled his eyes.

“I know how to cook. I love to cook.” Dean assured him, getting a raised eyebrow from Antoni. Normally when he heard that, it was typically followed by the phrases “boxed mac and cheese” or “hot dogs”. 

“Since you clearly need to know me next, I’m Jonathan Van Ness. The one and only!” Jonathan sang, dancing over to Dean to hug him. Dean was uncomfortable with it, but Jonathan’s smile was contagious and made him smile a little bit too. “I’m going to make sure that pretty little head of yours gets even prettier!” Jonathan beamed, running his hand through Dean’s short hair. “Ooh, it’s soft. You two have the best hair. With just a little help, it’s going to be  _ amazing. _ ”

Dean rubbed his head self-consciously but his face was a little pink. 

“Don’t mind him, he is a lot for us still.” Bobby laughed a little bit. “My name is Bobby. I’m going to make sure that your living space works for you and looks the best it can. Which…” Bobby looked around at the bunker. “Well, let’s just say that vintage only goes so far as a look.” He tried to put lightly. He dragged a finger over one of the electronic consoles near him and flicked the dust off it. What were these things even for? That and the map table were very strange. This was definitely one of the weirdest places they had ever been. Bobby then made his way on his own into the library and practically squealed. “You have a library?!? It looks like some old… haunted library that you’d see in an old movie or something! It’s got charm, though,” Bobby admitted.

Sam was endlessly amused by this whole thing. Dean really did need the help and Sam couldn’t believe their luck when his nomination was approved. Jonathan seemed to have taken an immediate liking to him, but Sam didn’t mind. Even if he was straight, Jonathan was kind of cute, so he could handle it. The Fab Five really seemed like a wonderful bunch of people. This was going to be fun. 

“Okay, well now that we’ve all introduced ourselves, let’s get you two fitted with mic packs,” Tan instructed. “Dean, I’ll be taking care of you later today. We’ve got  _ a lot _ of work to do and we’ll need to go shopping.” Before Dean could argue that he didn’t really have money for a new wardrobe and reiterate that he was just fine in what he wore, Tan added, “Don’t worry about it. It’s all part of the show’s package covered by production. You’ll be a shining new man in no time.”  
  
Dean made a face and was soon bombarded by an audio tech who hooked him up to a body mic, clipping the microphone to his collar and fastening the battery pack to his waistband. This was the weirdest thing he’d ever been a part of. Sam seemed much more at ease with it and he sat in one of the chairs he was directed to sit in. They helped him change his position for the best backdrop and lighting, but more lighting was added and a camera was set up on a tripod. He was instructed to explain why he nominated Dean for the Queer Eye makeover.   


> “Hi, I’m Sam. I, uh… Well, Dean’s my brother, obviously, and he’s the only family I’ve had consistently throughout my life. So I wanted to do something extra special for him. We haven’t had the best life or the best childhoods, but… we’ve made due. And he deserves the best. His love life is, uh… well, it’s pretty complicated. He’s been in love with his best friend for… a long time. But he won’t do anything about it. I’m really hoping the Fab Five can give him the confidence he needs to find love.”   
  


Sam was thanked and dismissed and they ushered Dean into the same chair that Sam had just vacated. A producer asked,”So what are your thoughts and feelings so far?”   


> “And I just say that right to the camera? Like the camera’s a person? Right. Okay. Um… I’m Dean. I don’t really know why Sam did this. Seems kinda like a weird prank or something. It’s definitely caught me off guard. It’s kinda weird. I like myself the way I am, honestly. I think I have a lot to offer the right person. But… they’re here. And they seem like they’re… trying to be nice. So… I guess… I’ll just see how this goes and see how my feelings on it change. And… update… you… later. That’s how these things work, right? Like video diaries?”  

> 
> “We have our work cut out for us with Dean. He clearly needs help with how he dresses, his personal care seems to be little to none, and he is in denial that he needs help at all. He is also in need of something we can’t teach him, but can certainly help flourish in him: self-assurance. Dean seems to be cocky on the outside, but he clearly has something against being complimented, so hopefully we can help him feel good about himself so he can know he deserves to be complimented.” Karamo spoke into the camera as the seasoned expert he was, wanting to keep the audience updated on what they would do with Dean. He got up and was going to let Tan sit, but Jonathan decided he would go first, so he went to the chair and sat down in it.    
  

> 
> “These boys are positively gorgeous, but they don’t seem to have any idea that they’ve got it going on! And I know we’re working on Dean, but if that Sam wasn’t straight…” Jonathan glanced off towards where Sam was talking with one of the producers. “Anyway, I really want to meet this “best friend” of Dean’s. And I don’t know about you, but I can’t possibly understand who  _ wouldn’t _ be attracted to that man.” Jonathan sighed, his chin resting on his hand. He flipped his hair and let Tan take the seat.  

> 
> “Dean Winchester is in serious need of a confidence boost. And while he doesn’t think he needs it, feeling good and looking good can really be a great way to help. If you look your best, then you can feel your best. Dean also has a serious crush, and if he is confident in himself, then he could be confident while talking to that crush and could lead to more. But first, we need to see what he has to work with.”   


* * *

The crew all headed down one of the halls and went to Dean’s room. Dean opened it and went in; Bobby immediately recoiled from the room. “Why do you have guns and knives on your walls?” Bobby demanded. 

“Because…. I like them?” Dean asked, confused at why that would be a question, as if it wasn’t a weird thing to have. “I like weapons, and I think they’re cool.” Dean shrugged. 

“Well, maybe we can make you a safe for them?” Bobby offered delicately. “Or put them in cases for display somewhere else?” 

“I never thought about putting them in a case. I just thought pinning them to the wall was the best way to show them off.” Dean said, thinking about the suggestion. “Do you want to see the closet or something?”

Dean went to a side door and opened it, revealing a large closet with about ten leather jackets, a dozen plaid shirts, a few band shirts and some jeans. On the other side were suits of all types and colors, but they weren’t exactly good quality. 

“Okay, this is a  _ fucking _ disaster. Who lives here? The Brawny paper towel man?” Tan reached out and felt the sleeve of one of the many flannels and then visibly recoiled in disgust. “Oh honey…”

“So… were you… like a lumberjack in a past life or something,” Karamo asked, clearly fighting back a smile. 

Dean scowled a little. “I don’t see what’s wrong with the way I dress,” he grumbled.

“What’s wrong is that you don’t _love_ yourself, honey, and your wardrobe reflects that,” Tan explained gently. “If you feel good, you look good, right? And vice versa. This is more than a makeover, Dean.” He winked cheekily at the camera. “We’re here to teach you to love yourself.”

“Okay! Moving on. Now, where’s Sam? I mean the bathroom! I need a window into your personal care routine.” Jonathan sashayed out of Dean’s bedroom and down the hall in one direction with no idea if it was the right way or not.

Dean followed and pointed at a bathroom. “Over here.” He said, stepping into it with Jonathan and one camera man. “I don’t really have a… routine per say. I shower every day, I clean my hair and my body, I brush my hair and that’s it.” Dean shrugged. “Sometimes I put some gel in my hair if I want to look a little nicer.”

Jonathan looked like Dean had just impaled him with something. His hand covered his heart and his face was horrified. “You don’t condition your hair? You shower every day?? You don’t use  _ any _ hair products on a daily basis?? And you get _that_ hair? Life isn’t fair.” Jonathan huffed, leaving the bathroom in a flourish.

Sam had been just outside the doorway, watching. This was all too amusing to miss out on. He grinned at the exchange between Jonathan and Dean while Dean was left looking confused, wondering if he’d done something offensive. “I like him,” Sam told his brother, then remembered reading that Jonathan had recently come out as non-binary. “Sorry. Them?”

Jonathan stopped just steps away down the hall and turned to look back at Sam. “He, they,  _ or  _ she. And  _ you _ can call me anything you want, henny.” He blew Sam an overly-flirtatious kiss and walked on. 

Sam chuckled. “I didn’t expect to be hit on while you’re being made over. Wonder how they’ll react when Cas shows up.”

“Cas? Is that this best friend you were talking about?” Karamo asked, getting up next to Sam as Dean got up ahead with everyone else so he was out of earshot. 

“Oh, yeah. Cas is… Dean’s best friend. But he’s had a crush on Cas for… years. They’ve been through everything together, and there’s nothing Dean wouldn’t do for Cas.” Sam explained, and Karamo looked at Sam. Just name, huh? What was with that? Were they non-binary? Or… did Sam not want to admit that Cas was not a woman’s name? Karamo would  _ definitely _ look more into that. 

“Good to know. And where is this, Cas?” 

“Cas is out. Sometimes we all go out and just come back when we’re ready. I think Cas is coming back later today some time.” Sam shrugged. “We’re all adults.”

“Wait, Cas lives here with you?” Karamo asked in surprise. 

“I guess, yeah. At least sometimes. It's complicated. Maybe we can talk more later. Maybe when Cas gets back.” 

Karamo could very clearly see that Sam was avoiding something. What, he couldn’t tell. But he would figure it out. He always did.

Dean led them into the kitchen so Antoni could survey the food and wine situation. “Okay. Lots of kitchen space. Love that. Almost industrial. You could really cook for a party or holiday gathering in here.” Antoni started looking through the pantry, cupboards, and refrigerator. “Lots of whiskey and beer. Not a drop of wine anywhere. Not good for hosting. And you should at least have a bottle of each red and white cooking wines on hand at all times. But you’re not doing terribly with your selection of ingredients. I guess you really meant it when you said you love to cook.”

“Yeah,” Dean agreed. “For years, Sam and I lived on the road. We had a lot of diner food and a lot of fast food. So once we settled in here, I made it my mission to learn how to cook real, good food. Nothing too fancy, but… you know. Good stuff. And we don’t really host much.”

Antoni looked a little confused. “You have all this space… and you don’t host? Ever?”

Dean shook his head. “Not really. This place is… it’s a really old… uh… Well, it’s a converted disaster bunker. Like… doomsday prep stuff but bigger and fancier, I guess.” Only a half lie. He didn’t know how to explain it otherwise. “It was made so that people could survive the worst things in the world. That’s why there’s a library and the room you guys walked in with the map table and radio controls. What you didn’t see is that there’s also a weapons range and an infirmary. We didn’t buy this place. We found out we inherited it from our grandfather. Our dad’s dad. So… it was better than living on the road. So we made it home.”

“I can tell that you’ve worked hard to make it home, but hopefully we can help make it home even more than before.” Bobby said sympathetically. “Besides your room, is there any other place where you find the most solace or peace? Or another spot you would like me to make over?” Bobby asked. He would leave the kitchen as is, considering it was well equipped and if Antoni was going to teach Dean how to host, he would need the space and equipment. Dean thought, then clearly thought of something. 

“The Dean Cave!” He exclaimed, and Bobby put a hand over his chest in surprise and slight recoil. 

“Dean… Cave?”  


* * *

The entire room stunk of old beer, ancient upholstery, and dust; yet, it had some charm to it. Bobby looked around the room, up at the keg lights, then the foosball table and two chairs in front of a TV. From the look on Dean’s face, he was clearly proud of it, and it was something he had worked hard on. 

“Dean, this is a wonderful space for you to have for yourself and for those you love. You did a great job making this into a spot for relaxation, and I’m already getting ideas on how I can finish your work for you.” Bobby made sure to keep his phrasing delicate, as he didn’t want to crush Dean’s opinion on himself or the room. It  _ was _ good for a home done job. But Bobby could make sure that all the things Dean liked stayed without the smell and must. 

And of course, there was the over-exaggerated masculinity of the room, too. With the posters of cars and bands, neon beer signs, and the makeshift bar, Bobby could tell that there was a certain level of projected masculinity into the room. Perhaps over the next few days getting to know Dean, he could see what he was passionate about and put it into the room, too.   
  


> “Dean is very proud of his “Dean-Cave,” but it needs some refining still. I really think that I can make it into a space where he can relax and enjoy himself both alone and with his friends and family.” Bobby explained to the camera. “And his bedroom needs… well, it needs some serious help. His bed itself is fantastic, but it is literally the nicest thing in that room. I want to make sure that the whole room looks as wonderful as Dean deserves.” Bobby beamed.   
  

> 
> “It's nice to have someone who doesn’t need help with basic cooking skills, but I want Dean to be able to make a nice meal for his best friend and crush. He knows how to cook, but can he cook a gourmet meal? Let’s find out.” Antoni said cheekily.    
  

> 
> “The guys seem really nice, but really, I’m fine. I don’t really need all this extra attention.” Dean insisted. “I’ve been dressing this way all my life, and I’ve only just been able to actually decorate my room the way I want it. I haven’t had my own room since I was really little, and I really just wanted my own space, you know?” Why on  _ earth _ was he actually opening up to this camera? “I made it like I want it, so I don’t see why that needs to change.” Dean was nothing if not stubborn, so he wasn’t sure how the whole redecoration of his personal spaces would go.  


* * *

The bunker’s front door- if you could even call it a “front” door- squeaked open and the cast and crew exchanged confused looks. No one had left and everyone was accounted for. Sam, however, wore a grin like the cat who caught the canary; he knew who it was. The footsteps that descended the stairs were relatively light, and the Fab Five congregated in the doorway between the library and the war room to see what was happening. Whoever he was… he was handsome and strong-looking. He watched them with a confused expression as he came down the stairs and landed in the war room. “Who… are you people? ...Sam? ...Dean?”

Sam came up behind the Five immediately, smiling. “I submitted Dean for a makeover and renovation Netflix show called Queer Eye. These are the Fab Five: Jonathan, Tan, Karamo, Bobby, and Antoni. Guys, this is Cas.”


	3. Meet Cas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Fab Five discover that "Cas" isn't a woman's name after all.

The Five exchanged excited and knowing glances; Jonathan and Antoni even _ squealed _. Tan had had a suspicion they had a closet case on their hands and now it seemed confirmed. Together, they flocked Castiel, hugging him, shaking his hand, and cooing over him. Tan thought to himself that Cas’ wardrobe could use a makeover too, but at least he wore that suit well. The blue tie really brought out his eyes. 

Poor Castiel looked startled and overwhelmed and soon the Five dissipated. Cas blinked a few times and crossed the war room to join Sam. “They’re a little…”  
  
Sam grinned and nodded. “Yeah, I know. But they’re really sweet guys and they just want to help Dean build his confidence.”

Dean finally joined the group, having been held back talking to one of the crew members. He brightened up immediately when he saw Castiel. “Cas! You’re back!” Cas returned Dean’s smile with a warm one of his own and went to embrace him. Dean squeezed him tight, holding on a second too long when he remembered he was in a room full of strangers. He took a step back and cleared his throat. He couldn’t believe these words were about to leave his mouth. “So, uh… guess you met the… Fab… Five.”

> “This just took a major turn,” Karamo told the camera. “I thought it was strange when Sam was playing the No-Pronouns game, but now? I get it. So, if getting Dean to admit his feelings for Cas is one of the end goals here, we’re going to have to get to know Cas a little to figure out how to approach things. Ideally, he likes Dean the way he is, but won’t mind a little improvement. It never hurts to impress and go the extra mile.”
> 
> “Oh, definitely a closet case,” Tan confirmed. “I had a hunch and of course I was right. Takes one to know one. Luckily, I have experience in this department so I have total faith that I can push through one little soft spot in one of Dean’s barriers of machodom and hypermasculinity and reach out to him and pull him through. If he takes this step, I think it’ll be majorly beneficial to him in the long run, and not just because he may get to be with the love of his life.”
> 
> “I don’t want to say I knew it, but henny…” Jonathan tutted and shook his head. “Looks like we just gotta show Dean how fun the rainbow is, huh? And I am thinking that we might need to make this a double episode,” he said. “Because Cas is… well, he is a lot. I just want to get my hands in that hair of his and just go crazy!” Jonathan enthused.

“I know we’ve never done this before, but Castiel needs our help too.” Jonathan insisted. “His wardrobe is ill-fitting and it almost looks like it is someone else’s. Not only that, but if you watch him, he’s always looking at Dean. I know he’s only been here for a little bit, but he’s looking at him and waiting for him to say something or do something. He needs to learn how to live for _ himself. _” He was determined that they could help more than one person in this bunker, and he would not let them leave until they did all they could for this strange, complicated little family.

The producer looked at Jonathan. Jonathan, with his heart of gold who wanted to help anyone and everyone he could. “You know that’s not in the budget right? It would take some extreme string-pulling with Netflix. Have you even talked to your co-stars about this?”

“Henny, you’ve worked with us how long? We basically share the same brain. They’re totally on board, don’t worry. But please please please_ PLEASE _ help make this a double episode. You’ll be helping us help other people! It’s good honest work.” 

“I’ll see what I can do,” the producer sighed, shaking her head. “But for now, just focus on _ this _episode and your end goal of changing Dean Winchester.” 

“_ Yaaaayyyyy! _ Thank you!” Jonathan blew her a kiss and flounced off.

Antoni gathered everyone in the library. “Okay. Some of our crew have ventured out to get pizza so we’ll take a lunch break before we continue filming. I see this as a great way for us to get to know Sam, Dean, and Cas and maybe bond a little.”

An audio tech came and collected Sam and Dean’s mic packs as cameras were temporarily stored in cases and set aside. Dean looked immensely relieved and he, Sam, and Cas all took seats at the library table. Some of the crew pushed the two tables together and the Five sat across from Team FreeWill, aside from Jonathan, who settled in right beside Sam, positively glowing and full of questions.

Lunch was peaceful, full of chatter and laughter as the eight men got to know each other. Everything was going off without a hitch until a dramatic gasp came from Jonathan. “You _ don’t brush _ your hair?! And it still looks like _ that _?!” He fanned his face. “Henny, if I wasn’t already sitting down, I’d need to take a seat.”

Sam chuckled nervously. “I’ve never brushed my hair. I wish I had an answer for you. That’s just… how it is.”  
  
“Magic spells apparently, Rapunzel! I’m so envious. You have no idea what I go through to maintain this mane.” Jonathan flipped his hair for emphasis. Karamo, though entertained, knew they had a job to do, and he wanted to get to the bottom of Dean’s desire for Cas.

“So, Dean, you said Cas is your best friend, how did you two meet?” Karamo asked, resting his chin on his hand. Dean glanced at Castiel, then back at the Five.

“Well, uh, we met almost ten years ago now. I was in a really rough spot in my life. After the fact… I sort of refer to it as Hell because of how bad it was. I was in with bad people, and I did bad things for a long time. But then… I met Cas. He sort of pulled me out of the whole mess.” Dean explained the best he could. It wasn’t a lie, but it also wasn’t the full truth. “We didn’t get along at first but… after a year of knowing each other, Cas gave up a lot to help me and Sam. Ever since then, we’ve been friends.” 

This sounded like every single romantic movie ever made, yet Dean clearly had not yet wrangled his feelings for Cas. Karamo could see the smile Dean flashed at Cas, and the warm looks on their faces, as if sharing an unknown joke. Karamo recognized it from his own relationship experience.

“It sounds like a story out of a movie.” Tan beat Karamo to the punch, and he smiled at them both. “We’ve heard a few things from Dean, but what about you, Cas? Can we learn more about you?” Tan inquired. Cas frowned, but he looked at Dean, then back at the group.

“I don’t exactly know what there is to learn. The three of us are all in the same line of work, and we work together whenever possible. That’s pretty much it.” Cas shrugged. “Dean once tried to take me to a strip club.” He had once called it a den of iniquity, but had since learned about the actual name of it. 

Everyone at the table laughed beside Dean and Cas, and Dean sighed and smacked his face. “C’mon, Cas. I’ve told you that you don’t need to tell people about that. Sorry, guys. He’s… not the best with social cues.” Castiel seemingly had an idea that he decided to roll with. 

“Yes, I was raised in a very religious family. They kept me under tight wraps and didn’t let me talk to people outside the family.” Tan put a hand over his heart. “A small town, and a small world view weren’t exactly kind to me. It wasn’t until I met Dean that I dared to question that.” Cas glanced at Dean, again sharing that same look Karamo noticed before. Tan put a hand on top of Cas’.

“I get what it is like to be raised in a family like that. And Bobby understands going against the church. It's hard, especially when it is all you know. But it is important to realize who you are despite it all. You decide who you are, not anyone else.” Tan told him, and Castiel looked at him up and down. He was a good man. All of them were. No one had ever told him that. Dean had always told him to rebel or do stuff for himself, but he had never specifically talked about his identity. He supposed it was too “chick-flick” for Dean.

“Thank you,” Castiel said at last. “That… actually means a lot to hear. Sincerely, thank you.” He smiled warmly, eyes crinkling at the corners, and Tan smiled back. 

“Ohhhh. I think it’s time for a group hug!” Jonathan got up out of his chair beside Sam and went behind Cas, wrapping his arms around him and giving him a squeeze and the other four followed, basically dog-piling Castiel in his chair with a warm, but awkward, hug. He smiled bashfully and glanced in Dean’s direction as the Five dissipated and returned to their seats.

“Not to switch the mood too abruptly, but you mentioned you guys work together,” Antoni recalled. “What do you all do?”

Now that was a question they weren’t prepared for but they should have been. “Non-profit,” Sam lied easily. “We help people. Obviously. We… provide therapy for those who have been through certain traumas. We help them fight their demons. The ghosts of their past, so to speak. And we teach self-defense.” Okay, it was a half-lie, but it was so hard to lie to these sweet and trusting faces. Thank god for creative phrasing, too.

“That’s great,” Karamo praised, beaming. “That’s really good work. What do you call your organization?”

“Team FreeWill,” Dean answered smoothly. “There’s some trouble getting a 1099 and some other paperwork so I guess we’re not official because we’re not government recognized, but we still do the work. Luckily, we don’t have to pay for this house. Some people insist on cutting us checks, but it just goes right back into the work we do, paying for gas mileage and lodging since we travel all over the country for our clients. We honestly don’t keep anything we get.” 

“That’s very noble of you.” Jonathan enthused, over Sam most of all, smiling at him dreamily. “If you would like, we can post about your charity? Maybe on Insta or Twitter?” Jonathan asked. Sam momentarily freaked out internally, then shook his head. 

“Uh, thank you so much, but no thanks. It’s just the three of us for now, and too much business at once wouldn’t really work out. Especially from people as famous as you guys.” Sam turned it into a compliment, making Jonathan smile and look away. 

“You flirt.” He accused teasingly right back. 

The producer knocked on the door, then peered in. “We’re going to start shooting again soon, we figured we might want to go shopping? Tan and Dean, you can go out together while Bobby starts working on your rooms.” She offered. Dean glanced at Tan, then sighed. 

“Let’s just get it over with,” Dean grumped a little with a heavy sigh.

“I am hurt.” Tan said with a frown. “I know it sounds boring, but I promise that when you shop with me, it will be far superior to normal shopping. I just want to show you how to put an outfit together.” Plus he wanted to get the lowdown on Cas and potentially try to convince him to say something while they were alone.

Tan led the way out of the library, leaving behind the other men so he and Dean could get to a place to shop. This would be fun. It wasn’t often he had such a specimen of a man to dress, and he knew exactly what to put on him.


	4. Fashion with Tan France

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tan France takes Dean Winchester shopping... and a bit of truth comes out.

On the way out of the bunker, Tan recalled that Dean had posters of cars in his “cave”, so he decided to ask about them. “Dean, do you like cars?” Tan asked. He knew a little bit about cars, but he wasn’t exactly a connoisseur. The effect on Dean was immediate: He lit up and grinned.

“Do I like cars? Of course I do. You need to see my Baby.” Dean insisted, steering them towards the garage. He proudly opened the door and revealed the massive black Impala taking up the middle space of the garage. Tan looked at the car, clearly impressed by it. 

“Wow. It genuinely is beautiful, Dean. I don’t even like cars, but I can tell that this one is well loved and… Quite something.” The compliment had Dean smiling even wider. 

“Thanks. If you’d like, I can take you into town?” Dean offered. “I’ll show you what Baby can do on the road.” Tan was skeptical at first, then he shook it away.

“Yes. I would love to.” Tan decided against his better judgement. He trusted Dean. Or at least he needed Dean to trust him so they could actually talk while shopping.

Dean opened the door for Tan, then was a little surprised as a camera man climbed into the back seat so he could film them when needed. The producer assured them that they could cut things out if needed, and there would be a production team following them to the store so they could film there with more than one angle.

Dean had never had so much attention on him at once, and even being on one camera felt weird. As they started driving, Tan put a hand on Dean’s shoulder. “I understand that it is strange to be on camera. It was weird for me at first too, but you genuinely get used to it.” Tan smiled gently. “So, let’s talk turkey. Why _do_ you dress like a lumberjack?”

“I do not.” 

“That is not a debatable topic, Dean. The plaid and canvas? Also what's the whole deal with the leather jackets that are too big for you?” Tan asked with a raised eyebrow.

Dean glanced out the window, trying to avoid the conversation. It was not as fun anymore. “Because I want to? I dunno.” He mumbled. “Because that’s what my dad always wore?” He questioned, and  _ now _ they were finally getting somewhere.

“But why wear what he did when you can be yourself?”

“Look man, I just… my dad died a while ago, but I’ve never been able to shake his opinions of me. You know how most parents take care of their kids? I took care of my dad and my brother. My mom died when I was four, and after that, I was in charge of Sam. I was never good enough, though.” Dean gripped the steering wheel tighter. “Once when I was 16, Sam decided to run away. After the fact, I found out that he was really happy. But I was not. Dad… wasn’t thrilled that I ‘lost’ Sam. After that, Dad never looked at me the same.” Dean rubbed his face, as if rubbing an old wound. “I guess even though he’s gone… I never really stopped trying to impress him.” Dean plucked at the leather jacket he wore. “And I never had time or money to overturn my wardrobe. No reason to when no one ever cared.” 

Again, what was it about these goddamn people? Dean just spilled his guts about stuff  _ Sam _ didn’t even know about. Why to this guy? Why now?

“It’s difficult to let go of the past when it’s become so familiar to us, isn’t it? I understand parental expectations, believe me. My family is Pakistani- I know my accent doesn’t seem like it since I’m from Yorkshire in England- and very strictly Muslim. You can imagine the pressures I was under. My sexuality was seen as something so horrible, so  _ negative  _ and as I grew up, the negative views only got more negative. And it really affected how I was able to connect with my own community. I’m in my mid-thirties, Dean, and I only recently came to really and truly understand the plight of the transgender community. They’re my own people, the ‘**T**’ in **_LGBTQ_**! I should have known so much more than I did. But I do now and that’s what’s important.” Tan let silence fall between them for another moment. “Humor me, for a moment, Dean, won’t you?”

“...I guess.”

“Let’s pretend for a moment that… your father…” He hummed thoughtfully. “Pretend for a moment that you’re not the parent. That you didn’t have to take on that role. Pretend instead that the burden on you is that you’re gay or bisexual. How do you think he’d react to something like that? Whether then or now if he were still alive.”

Dean was quiet for a long moment, clearly putting deep thought into how he’d respond. “It just wouldn’t fly. My old man… he… He was a man’s man, y’know? He already hated it when Sam wanted to go off to college. He was big on drinkin’, huntin’, cars… stuff like that. Really macho, masculine stuff. I wasn’t allowed to drink out of straws after about five years old. That was for girls ‘n sissies. Men and women get married and they have kids. That’s just what they do. Or at least… that was his kinda view on that sort of thing. There’s no way he wouldn’t have-- if I was… anything but straight… he wouldn’t have--”

“And if that were a thing now…if he were… belittling you… threatening to disown you… and whatever else… _now_. For going down a path he didn’t believe in… how would you respond? What would you say to him? Since clearly you’ve lived the life that’s right for you.”

“...I’d… I’d tell him it didn’t matter. It doesn’t make me any less of your son, Dad. People… people are born this way. No one chooses to be gay, to be bisexual, to be… anything different that makes their life harder. And it does! It makes life so much harder because people think there’s something wrong with it! That we’re freaks of fucking nature because of what the Bible said or whatever. But fuck the Bible1 It’s bullshit anyway. Who the fuck cares? And why do you? Who I love, who I take to bed at night has no sway on your fucking life. It doesn’t matter! It _doesn’t_ matter, does it? I’m somehow less of a _man_ because I fell in love with another _man_? You can’t control who you fall in love with no matter how much your want to or how hard you try! And after _all I’ve done_ for you? After _all I’ve been through_, this is the shit you hit me with? For loving a man? That’s the worst thing I could possibly be or do? Fuck not being your son! Because as far as I’m concerned _you’re not my fucking dad_.” By the time Dean finished, his eyes were watering and he pulled carefully to the side of the road. He closed his eyes and let the tears fall, forehead on the steering wheel. Anger flared up and he smacked the sides of the steering wheel a few times before going still and sobbing into his jacket sleeve.

Tan watched him sympathetically. He let him cry it out for a few moments and when Dean lifted his head and sniffled, Tan put a gentle hand on his shoulder.

“S-sorry. I’m not usually like that, I swear. I don’t… I don’t know what happened. You guys are strangers to me and yet…” Dean shook his head.

“It’s alright. Sometimes it is far easier to tell strangers than it is your family. In fact, that's why therapy works so often, because you can tell this person who is trained in listening that you don’t see every single day.” Tan pointed out. “And Dean… I heard a little more truth in that than you may have intended. I assure you that I won’t tell any of the team what we discussed here.” Tan promised. 

“I don’t… uh, I don’t know what I really am.” Dean admitted. “I like women. I have all my life. But I don’t like guys a lot. Just… certain guys.” Dean said. “But the guys I like, sometimes I like them more than I like women. I don’t know what to do.” Dean let his head drop to the steering wheel with a  _ clunk _ . 

“Well, one thing that you can most certainly do is avoid labels.” Tan advised and Dean lifted his head again, listening. “If they make you uncomfortable, you don’t have to go by anything. Labels make some people feel better, but sexuality is so fluid that you can be anyone you would like, love.” Tan smiled softly. “Just **_love_**, and that’s all you have to do. Love who you want, and they are sure to follow.” 

“You think so?” Dean’s face looked so heartbroken, so sad, but also, a dash of hopefulness made Tan know that Dean would be okay. 

“I do. Now let’s get going. Wouldn’t want the camera crew to catch up, right?” Tan teased, and Dean laughed a little bit, wiping his face one more time. He pulled away from the side of the road and started driving. Dean glanced at Tan, then he revved the engine and took off down the empty road, pushing the car up past 80 immediately. Tan widened his eyes and grabbed hold of his seatbelt and the side of the car door in shock, looking at Dean, then back out the window.

Dean was laughing and grinning now. He felt like he had just gotten a million pounds of weight off his shoulders and now he could actually be himself again. _Fucking finally._

They slowed down once they got into town, and Dean pulled up to a row of small men’s stores, parking out front. “The camera crew may need a while to catch up. You good over there?” Dean asked.

Tan was plastered into the corner of the seat, his eyes wide and facing out the window. “I didn’t know anyone could drive crazier than Jonathan Van Ness.” He said quietly. He finally shook it off and looked at Dean. “Yet I didn’t feel in danger? As thrilling as it was, I felt like you were in complete control.” 

“That’s what happens when you’ve been driving the same car for almost thirty years.” Dean smirked, getting out of the car and helping Tan out.

Tan thanked Dean and straightened his clothes as he got out of the car. He looked over the shops and spotted one that was perfect. “Here. Excellent. Let’s go here.” Tan walked up to the door and stepped inside, holding the door open for Dean. He went to find someone in charge to let them know that they would be filming here and why.

Tan looked around at the selections as they waited for the camera crew. Dean was once again fitted with a mic pack, as was Tan, and the camera’s were rolling. “So, Dean, what we’re going to do today is help you find a style that’s a little more your own. I’m going to put you in a casual and in a formal. I know what color palette I want to work with, I think I know what style I want for you. You like layers. I feel that’s a physical representation of the walls and layers you’ve built to protect yourself. But you’ve got a great body and you’ve no reason to hide it, so what I want to do is take away some of those layers but not strip away your comfort. What I want to do first, however, since I know you’ve relied so heavily on the same style for so long- a lot of it influenced by your father… I want you to look around the store and I want to see what you pick out for yourself based on your own tastes. It’ll help me get to know what interests you as a style a little more. So pick a casual outfit and go to the fitting room. I’ll be nearby.”

Dean started to drift around the shop, running his hand over a few shirts. A lot of stuff here looked alright, but nothing really stood out to him. He hadn’t shopped for himself in years. Dean pulled out some jeans from a pile, glancing briefly at the size before finding a gray henley, a dark blue jacket with plaid lining and a khaki jacket to go on top of it all. Dean brought them back to the fitting room and put it all on. The pants were a little baggy, but Dean figured he could fix that with a belt. The shirt fit fine, and with the jackets, Dean felt like this was a perfectly fine outfit for him. He looked into the mirror, which Tan was standing beside.

“I did advise against some of the layers, so let’s see…” Tan stepped forward and pulled the khaki jacket off of him and draped it over the chair, then pulled the blue jacket off too. “I just genuinely want to know what is wrong with _this_ outfit?” He asked gently, stepping away so Dean could see himself in just the jeans and henley. 

“Well… uh, I don’t know? It feels weird. Like I’m naked or something.” Dean said, his shoulders rising a little like he was self-conscious. He rubbed one of his arms and looked in the mirror again.

“Dean, you have a wonderful body, and you should be allowed to flaunt it.” Tan assured him. “You need a smaller size in those jeans too. My motto for jeans is that if you need a belt, get the next size down. Jeans should be able to fit without one.” Tan went off and grabbed the smaller size and handed them to Dean, then pushed him into the fitting room. Dean changed the pants, then came back out. They were definitely tighter. 

“Now  _ this _ ,” Tan gushed, “This is  _ leagues  _ better.” Gently, he guided Dean in front of the mirror. “Now, this is not how_** I** _would dress you, but, Dean Winchester, you’re looking approachable and  _ fuckable _ . If I was going to take you home- if I wasn’t happily married as I am- I would get bored trying to take off your jacket, your other jacket, your plaid flannel, your T-shirt. See how long that’s gone on? I shouldn't spend that long listing off what you’re wearing. It’s too much. If someone were to sext you and say ‘_Baby, what are you wearing_’, they’d fall asleep by the time you got done describing it! This henley shirt hugs your gorgeous, god-given body and those jeans do wonders for your legs. Love yourself, Dean. That’s our mission this week. Go on and change back and I’m going to teach you how  ** _I_ ** would dress you.” 

Dean took another look at himself in the mirror. Tan kind of had a point. He wouldn’t admit that he blushed when Tan said ‘_if I was going to take you home_’, but it was a valid point. He went back into the changing room and pulled his old worn-out jeans back on and his T-shirt and flannel, but he left the jacket off. It was getting too warm in the shop for it anyway. 

Tan noticed that Dean had decided to leave a layer off and it was very metaphorical, thought certainly Dean wouldn't see it as such. Beautiful. He took Dean around the shop a little. “What do you know about colours and their relationships?”

“Uh… red and blue make purple? Yellow and blue make green? That kind of thing? Never wash your reds with your whites. I guess that’s it.”

“Okay, well, colors matter when you’re dressing too. You want to flatter your features when you get dressed. You, Dean… you have light brown hair, lightly tanned skin, and _beautiful_ green eyes. So, we want to highlight those with the colors we choose in your wardrobe and not wash them out with all the earthy tones in your closet. I did notice you have one plaid button-down that’s pink with purple and blue, and while it’s not perfect for the features we want to highlight, it’s a lovely pop of colour and one that I’m very proud of you for.” He picked up a pair of dark, faded-wash jeans and found a soft, close-knit, misty lavender, cotton sweater. “This one’s just grey enough for you to be comfortable with it- since it’s still that neutral earthy tone you lean toward- but it’s purple enough to really make your eyes pop. Go and put these on for me, love.”

Dean wasn’t so sure about the sweater, but he returned to the fitting room and tried them on anyway. He looked in the mirror inside the dressing room and was surprised. He didn’t hate it. Without being too narcissistic, he even thought he looked a little like a catalogue model. He smiled a little and went out to show Tan. 

“Okay, so the first thing I’m noticing isn’t the outfit. It’s that _smile_! Tell me what you’re thinking.”

Bashfully, Dean smiled a little wider, looking at the ground. “Uh, well… I actually like it. I’m surprised by how much I like it. It’s different. But it’s good. And the sweater is thick enough that I don’t feel completely naked.” 

“Excellent! I love to hear that. But let me just show you, real quick... “ Tan guided Dean in front of the mirror again and gently took his arm. “If you meticulously draw up the sleeves without just looking like you hastily bunched them and ruining the cuffs…” He pinched, pulled, and plucked Dean’s sleeve until it was just beneath his elbow, carefully scrunched in the crook of the joint without looking sloppy. He did the same to the other sleeve. “You look casual, comfortable, and handsome. I don’t know what it is about a man and an exposed forearm, but the girls go nuts for it. And so do I. How do you feel?”

Dean turned a little in the mirror, checking himself out a little bit. “I feel… good. I feel attractive, if that doesn’t sound too self-centered.” Dean said. “So what other colors do you think would look good on me?” Dean’s gaze lingered on his reflection, then completely shifted to Tan. 

“Well, you have the right idea with some of your clothing. Color is good, and it isn’t something you should shy away from. Clearly you are comfortable with print, so let’s see if we can find you something that isn’t plaid. And as for colors, we should stick with green, as it so beautifully brings out those eyes of yours. Chocolate brown and purples are also great. That doesn’t mean all of your clothes need to be these colors, but they are what will look best on you.” Tan assured him. Tan walked away for a few moments, then came back with a very muted green shirt. It was a button up, but it was a half-sleeve, and it had medium sized leaves all over it. It didn’t seem like something Dean would normally wear, but at this point, he figured everything past here wouldn’t be something he would normally wear.

Dean took the shirt and changed into it with the dark jeans still on and came back out in it. Again, a little better than he had thought. Dean looked in the mirror, and without prompting, gave his opinion on it.

“The print is… a lot. But it's not terrible. I feel like I wouldn’t wear this all the time, but if I ever needed to look more sophisticated or something, I would put this on.”

“That’s sort of the whole point behind this. And watch.” Tan approached Dean and tucked the front of the shirt in, but left the rest of it out in the back. “We call this a _French tuck_, and it will help make you look even more sophisticated. It flattens this whole area, but you don’t need to wear a belt with it since the back isn’t tucked in.” Tan explained. “It looks fabulous on you, Dean. Genuinely. Now, I have something for you. Something a little more formal. I want you to have something nice for an event, should you attend one. Go change and we can go to another store for that. We got a few good things for you here, so let’s go to the suit shop a few doors down.” 

Dean changed back into his old jeans and his tee. He thought about leaving his flannel off too, but he ended up putting it on and holding his leather jacket in his arms. It was difficult to wrangle the mic pack on and off him, but he eventually figured out a way to get everything settled as it was, and, after a little adjustment from a sound technician, they were off to the next store. Dean noticed that there were a few bags being loaded into the crew’s van. Were those his? Did they get that much stuff for him? He only tried on a few things, right? Tan seemed to notice his confusion.

“Since we now know what looks good on you and what doesn’t, we’re able to get you a few staples. We got you some pants that will fit you, some henleys, a few sweaters, and a few button ups. Nothing too out of character for you, don’t worry. While you were in the fitting room, I approved everything that was bought. If you don’t end up liking any of it, we will take it back.” Tan promised, leading the way towards a new shop. 

Dean followed him into the suit shop, and his eyes were assaulted by row after row of the same black suit over and over again. Were they really going to find anything here? Dean had suits and they looked just fine on him. Why did he need more?

Tan flitted past the black suits towards a few racks towards the back. The suits seemed to be in every color of the rainbow back here. Dean had never seen some of these colors on actual people, so he had assumed they didn’t exist. Tan looked over a few of the choices before settling on one in a deep burgundy color. He grabbed a heather grey shit from the display nearby and a tie that was the same color as the suit. He gave them to Dean and pushed him towards the fitting room. 

“Don’t say anything, just try it all on. From the looks of your closet, I assume you shouldn’t have a problem putting it on.” Tan said pointedly. Dean looked at his feet as he entered the fitting room with the items, and he put everything on, buttoning the few buttons and straightening the tie. It felt tight again. Much like the pants, it wasn’t loose like he was used to. Instead, it hugged his body and made him feel a little restricted. Dean emerged from the fitting room to a gasp from not only Tan but at least one camera person.

“What? Does it look weird?” Dean questioned suddenly, looking down at his outfit with a worried expression. 

“No, no not at all! No, we were just surprised! I knew it would look good, but I did  _ not _ expect it to look  _ this _ amazing.” Tan beamed. “Look at you! You look positively stunning, Dean. If I didn’t know any better, I would say you’re a model of some kind!” Tan gushed, which definitely did  _ not _ make Dean blush. 

“Oh… uh, yeah. It looks way better than I thought. Though it's tight. Really tight.” Dean plucked at the sleeves, then the side of the pants. 

“No, darling. It  _ fits _ . There’s a huge difference. Suits and tuxes aren’t supposed to hang off you like an old t-shirt. It is supposed to hug your body. And I’m positive it isn’t as comfortable this way, but suits aren’t supposed to be comfy, they are supposed to make you look hot. And this is most definitely doing that. Now, Dean Winchester, do you _feel_ hot?” Tan was more than a little blunt with his question, but now that Dean was able to get a better look at himself in the large mirror, he clenched his hands and looked at the mirror directly. 

“I do… yeah. I do.” He smiled slowly, but it was a bright and genuine smile as he turned this way and that, taking himself in. He hadn’t seen himself like this ever. It was… certainly something. It was different, but maybe that wasn’t a bad thing. Maybe different could be good. And Tan was right. This color really did make his eyes stand out more. He didn’t know whether he liked it or not but he was certain other people would. 

Tan watched Dean take himself in like he was discovering something new. And technically he was. It made Tan smile knowing Dean was learning to treat himself like one should be treated. 

> “Getting Dean out of the layers he built protectively around himself was going to be a challenge. I knew that much. But once he saw himself and let someone guide or even re-wire his thinking to be more positive, it became so much simpler. I knew that he was going to look incredible in a properly fitted suit, but I was not ready for the breathtaking sight that stepped out of that fitting room."   


Once Dean changed back into his regular clothes, Tan led him out of the shop and back to the waiting cars. A bag from the nearby shoe shop was loaded into the van and Dean questioned that as well. “New shoes. A good suit isn’t complete until you’ve got the right pair of shoes. And there’s a pair for casual wear too. You manage to make boots look good, but we found a pair of nice boots that will look _even better_ with any of your casual outfits,” Tan explained. “Let’s head back. Try to keep it to sixty and below this time,” Tan teased. 

“No promises,” Dean teased back, laughing. He opened the passenger door for Tan once again and returned to the driver’s side.

* * *

Back at the bunker, it was nearly time for the Fab Five to depart for the day. Mic packs were collected by the audio crew and Jonathan hugged Sam maybe a little longer than he should have. Dean hugged the group one by one as well. This was turning out to be not so terrible and he was actually looking forward to seeing everyone the next day.

“So, you spent a day shopping with Tan. How do you feel,” Sam asked his brother once they had the bunker back to themselves for the night. 

“What the hell is a French tuck and why the hell am I taking tips from a guy in a quaff?” Still… Dean couldn’t help but smile a little. He’d actually enjoyed his time with Tan and couldn’t wait to see how the rest of the week played out. Would he tell Sam this? Not a chance. He couldn’t let him win. Not until the week- and makeover- was finished.


	5. Food and Wine with Antoni Porowski

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Antoni shows Dean how to prepare the perfect dinner... for a date night in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone. Sorry for the delay in update. Both authors got horrendously busy over the holidays and there was a mild case of writer's block to overcome. But we're once again sitting down together to crank this out and get it finished as it's something we both love and take pride in. Happy reading :)

Dean did not expect the next day to start at  _ five A.M _ . 

He didn’t even really believe that was a real time. Sam always claimed he woke up then, but he hated waking up early so much that he hardly ever did so. Not only that, but he was sleeping in a different room than normal, since his room was being renovated and Bobby had even put a lock on the door to keep him out. He didn’t have the heart to tell him that a little padlock wouldn’t have stopped him from getting into the room. 

He woke up to the feeling of someone shaking his shoulder, and he quickly sat up and grabbed their arm by instinct, his eyes searching around. Sam smacked his hand off him and rolled his eyes. 

“Be glad that I wasn’t Jonathan, because I had to strongarm him into  _ not _ coming in to wake you up. Come out presentable, because they’re all here.” Sam said, leaving the room and closing it. 

Dean groaned and rubbed his face, looking at the time on his phone before making another loud sound of upset. He grabbed some of his old jeans and pulled them on. He glanced at himself in one of the mirrors in the room and he sighed. They weren’t at  _ all _ like the ones Tan had gotten for him. They looked massive on him. Dean pulled on a long sleeve shirt and thought about leaving his plaid shirt off. Dean gripped the colorful one that Tan had talked about and decided to go with that. 

He emerged from the bedroom and came out to the library where everyone was set up. He heard a chorus of “Dean!” as he entered the room. 

“Morning… why does it have to be so early?” He asked, yawning as he looked around at the crew. A coffee landed in his hand, and he looked, noticing that Cas had put it in his hand. He smiled a little and sipped it. 

“I told you guys. Like a bear.” Cas said with a certain note of pride. Antoni laughed a little and got closer. 

“Well today you’re going to be going on a culinary experience with me.” Antoni declared. “I know you know how to cook, but I want to teach you some tricks that will help you out, and some recipes that are easy but taste a-mazing.” Antoni smiled.

“Mind if I tag along? Always love trying some good food, and I’d love to get to know you more, Dean.” Bobby offered.

“Oh, uh… whatever.” Dean didn’t really have the brainpower to process at this hour. Coffee. That’s all there was in the world and that’s all that mattered right now. He sipped at the coffee in his hand again. 

“Sorry, Bobby. He doesn’t mean to come across as rude,” Cas assured. “He really just is not a morning person. He needs time to wake up.”

Luckily, Dean’s wish was granted and he had plenty of time to wake up as some of the camera crew showed up with boxes of doughnuts. They were set on the table with the lids open and everyone quickly mobbed around them, taking one or two each to enjoy. Dean kept to himself with an apple fritter and his beloved coffee while everyone else was mingling. Jonathan wiped some strawberry frosting off the corner of Sam’s mouth, making the taller man smile. Eventually, Dean had enough fuel to be able to function for the day. 

“Let’s do this. I’d challenge you to a cook-off, but I don’t wanna make you look bad on your own TV show,” Dean teased, winking at Antoni.

Antoni laughed. “Okay. I like your confidence. That’s important. Hold onto that, because now I want to find something challenging for you to make.” He looked across the room for Bobby. “Bobby! C’mon, we’re going now.”

Bobby joined Antoni and Dean and they left, a camera crew following, to climb into the huge truck. Antoni climbed into the driver’s seat, looking almost too small for such a large vehicle. Dean could only imagine how small Tan would appear in the driver’s seat. Bobby let Dean have the passenger seat as he climbed into the back. Once seatbelts were on, Antoni drove them into town to a nice farmer’s market he’d looked up earlier that morning. Dean felt a little weird about not driving, but at least Antoni seemed to be able to handle the beast they were riding in.

The market wasn’t huge, but it had a nice variety of booths and items that Dean had never really thought about. He tended to shop at the same store locally for all his stuff, but they didn’t have a lot of things there. He just sort of made due. Antoni led the way down one of the aisles, looking for something that fit what he was looking for, then he pulled Dean over towards a meat stand that had all kinds of fish, fresh cut meat, and proteins all laid out on some ice covered in plastic wrap.

“So first of all, farmer’s markets are a great way to get really fresh stuff at a pretty decent price, too. You should be able to find something here that tastes good and will make a good meal for you to make yourself. It won’t be easy to make, but it will be within your skill range.” Antoni explained. “You’re going to want to find a meat first, if you want your meal to have meat in it. If you find your meat first, then you can build your meal around that. I’ve met far too many people who cook according to side dishes and wonder why the flavor isn’t there in the main course. Since you are relatively experienced in the kitchen, let’s just see what’s freshest right now.” Antoni decided, going to the owner of the stand and asking just that.

“Well, I just put out this flank steak and some short ribs. Came off the truck this morning,” the butcher told Antoni. 

“Wonderful. Perfect choices,” Antoni said with a smile. He looked back at Dean. “What do you think? Flank steak or short ribs?” Dean thought for a moment before choosing the short ribs. Antoni asked the butcher for five pounds of short ribs and the butcher packaged them up, wrapping them neatly and handing them over. Antoni asked for a quarter-pound of pancetta as well and received it just as neatly packaged as the short ribs. Antoni thanked the butcher and they moved on. “Since you decided on short ribs, I’m thinking we’ll do a red-wine braised short rib with carrots and a gremolata. We’ll do some simple roast potatoes on the side to add a little starch. It sounds complicated and fancy but you’ll find it’s really quite simple. Let’s go pick some fresh herbs and produce.”

Dean followed Antoni as they went between the few stalls and gathered what they needed, but Antoni suddenly realized he had lost Dean and Bobby as he strode towards a wine booth.

Dean had gotten distracted by a booth towards the corner of the market and Bobby had followed him over. The older woman sitting at the booth had a large selection of honey out on a table, all with different types of labels. They ranged from dark brown all the way to almost bright yellow with a dozen in between.

“Well hello there sweetheart, what can I do for you?” She asked sweetly. 

“Hi, uh. I don’t know a lot about honey but my friend loves honey and bees.” Dean explained, looking at one labeled “clover”. As Antoni got closer, Dean looked at him. “Is there some kind of dessert I can make with honey? Cas loves honey and I would really like to make something that I know he would like.”

Antoni smiled widely when he heard about Cas, and he nodded. “I think that is a fantastic idea. I can already think of a few things. How about you find a honey you like, and we can work with the flavor from there?” He suggested.

> “Dean is already starting to think about meals in a more complete way, and starting to think about who he is feeding. Instead of cooking for himself, he is starting to cook for the people that are eating his food. It’s not a bad thing to cook for yourself, not at all, but when you live with two other men making the same thing over and over again, it starts to get stale, no matter how good it is. He is also specifically looking at things for Cas. This is a great sign that Dean is thinking about this person he has such a crush on, and that even in regular life, he finds things that remind him of his loved one.”

“My honey is all local, and I collect it myself. Not a drop of anything unnatural in there. Would you like to try one?” The woman offered. She opened up a small bottle of honey that was a darker shade of gold that was labeled “orange blossom”. She dipped a wooden stick into it and handed it to Dean, then to Bobby and Antoni so they could all try it. 

Surprisingly, it tasted way different than regular honey. It smelled really nice and it tasted a little citrusy. She then handed them a lighter colored honey called “sunflower”. That one wasn’t as good, but it was still even miles different from the orange blossom. Dean had no idea that honey could be so different! He had thought that it was all the same!

They tried one last one that was labeled “macadamia”, and Dean could actually taste the nuttiness of it. But that one had the most robust flavor, he thought. He picked out a jar of the macadamia as well as one of the regular clover. Dean thanked the woman at the stand and held the bag of honey himself, as if he was afraid to let it drop.

“Since we got a macadamia honey, I think we could make a really nice baklava with pecans and pastry with the honey on top. It will be a nice light dessert to go with a heavy dish.” Antoni explained. 

“Baklava,” Dean asked, “Isn’t that really complicated?”

“Not as complicated as you’d think. You make a syrup, you trim some phyllo dough and butter each thin little layer. Then you stack them together, add a nut mixture, another stack, nut mixture… until it’s all layered. Then you bake it and pour the syrup over it and let it sit overnight. Way easier than it sounds, I promise,” Antoni assured him. “Let’s get back on track and find our herbs and produce. And we need to get a red wine as well.” 

Antoni showed Dean how to pick the absolute best produce and herbs as they gathered young carrots, roma tomatoes, an onion, some garlic, thyme, parsley, chives, and an orange for zesting. “I trust you, like any proper home chef, have Kosher salt, ground black pepper, and olive oil at home, so let’s go grab some wine. We need something full-bodied, so let’s find a Cabernet, Merlot, or Malbec. We don’t have to go the most expensive route either since we’re cooking with it and not drinking it.” He led Dean to the wine booth he’d been heading for earlier.

Dean was a little surprised at the selections of wines. “There’s… a lot. I thought there was maybe a couple different reds and a couple of whites.”   


“They all come from different regions. Some are dry, some are sweet, some are semi-sweet. All kinds of reasons for different wines. Now, the reason we want a full bodied wine for this dish is because it enhances the richness. It gives it the flavor quality and mouth feel we’re looking for. If we had all the time in the world, I’d take the time to show you how this dish would taste different with a lighter wine, but we don’t, so you’ll have to trust me on this.”

Dean nodded and picked up a bottle of Merlot, looking it over. “Let’s go with this one. Merlot sounds fancier than Cabernet or Malbec.”

Antoni laughed and added the bottle to their reusable bag. “Okay. That’s all we need. We’re going to get this paid for and head out of here.”

Once their grocery haul was paid for, a member of the production crew took the bag back to the bunker so the food could be refrigerated as Dean, Antoni, and Bobby returned to the truck. “You know, I really feel like I’m getting to know a lot about you. But not quite enough to be able to make your personal space work. So we’re going to head to another store and have a look around.”

Dean nodded. He didn’t know what his ‘style’ was and he was sure that’s what Bobby was looking for. He just… liked… things. They pulled up outside a home renovation and furniture store and Bobby and Antoni led Dean inside. 

“So, Dean, I’ve brought you in here with me today just so I can get a feel for your style,” Bobby explained. Dean looked momentarily confused since they’d already established that, then realized Bobby must have been repeating himself for the camera. “You’ve got no… set style. And it’s fine to surround yourself with things you like and things that make you happy, but if you don’t have a cohesive design, it can end up feeling chaotic and not at all relaxing, but a relaxing atmosphere is what you want in your man cave, right?”

“I guess so. I just want it to be a space where I can go and enjoy myself. Whether I’m alone or with my family.” Dean shrugged. 

Bobby led the way into the store and started moving towards the bedroom furniture first, figuring that they would look at color schemes and furniture. Dean immediately gravitated towards some blue furniture, running his hands over the soft texture of the comforter on the display bed. “This is really nice.” He said, and immediately Bobby made a mental note that Dean was very tactile and liked soft things and squishy things like his memory foam bed. Good to know. 

“You like the color?” Bobby asked.

“Well yeah, its nice.” Dean said. “And it seems comfy. The blue looks good. It’s one of my favorite colors.”

It was not lost on Antoni or Bobby that it was also the color of Cas’ eyes. But they said nothing. Dean then noticed a few art pieces with big leaves on them in different colors. He liked some of the art pieces, especially the ones with metal on them. They were different than he was used to. He had been sure that the only art out there were paintings, but these art pieces were made of metal, or wood, and they were three-dimensional. Dean had liked the guns on his walls because they weren’t the typical paintings he saw in all the other rooms in the bunker. These would definitely make him happy. Then, he saw it. In the corner of the living room area near the bedroom section, he saw a poster on the wall. It was clearly just for display, but he immediately fell in love with it.

“I need that.” Dean said, pointing at the poster and walking over to it. It was an old poster for one of his favorite movies,  _ Tombstone _ . It was all black and white, and underneath everything were the simple words,  _ I’m your Huckleberry _ . “This is my favorite movie! I didn’t even know this poster existed!” Dean grinned. “I like cowboys, but Doc Holliday and Wyatt Earp were completely different than any other cowboys I’d ever seen! Wyatt Earp cared about the law even when it didn’t help him, but Doc? Doc didn’t care. I wanted to be him when I grew up.” Dean smiled. “I mean, not die from tuberculosis, but you know, be a gun-slinging, fast talking, hustler.”

“I think you’ve got a few of those already down, Dean.” Bobby smiled, definitely looking at the crew to grab the poster. They would put it in a nicer frame for Dean too. “But that’s good! I can work with cowboys! What else do you like?” 

“I don’t know? That just sort of came out. I don’t really keep a catalogue of all my likes and dislikes. I like what I like and I don’t like what I don’t like.” Dean chuckled a little, and while it was slightly frustrating, Bobby had to give him that.

“I suppose. Let’s keep moving. We should settle on some colors. I always like to use blues, since they are so versatile with decor and there are so many great shades that go with blue. How about we do a dark wall with lighter furniture?” Bobby suggested, holding up a grayish blue colored paint swatch with some light gray and white sheets. 

“Can I also get more space in my room? I don’t have a lot of storage for clothes, and if Tan went shopping for me I’m going to need more space than a small closet.” Dean asked.

“Oh, I am  _ so _ glad you asked. I’ll leave that part a surprise, but I think I know how to help you with that.” 

For a bit longer, Antoni and Bobby followed Dean through the store and Bobby took mental notes of every item Dean immediately gravitated towards with no hesitation. He had enough to work with now, he was pretty sure, and was well on his way to the perfect plan. He could even add one or two things for Castiel’s enjoyment based on what he’d learned so far. It felt important to Bobby to make sure that Dean felt he could invite Castiel into that space and that Castiel felt he could enjoy his time with Dean in that space.

The three of them headed back to the bunker, followed by the camera crew van. Antoni went inside with Dean, but Bobby bid them goodbye until later as he headed off to start working on his plan for the remodel of Dean’s mancave and bedroom. 

Antoni steered Dean towards the kitchen, and he put their groceries down. “Okay, so this recipe isn’t hard, but it has a certain level of skill to it. We have to reduce the wine glaze, and the baklava will take a bit to get right. So I will do some things, then let you do it, got it?” Antoni smiled.

“Sounds good to me,” Dean agreed, already rolling up his sleeves and washing his hands at the sink. Antoni followed suit and then draped a towel over his shoulder, dropping one onto Dean’s as well.

“I always keep a towel handy on my shoulder when I’m cooking. Quick and easy access to wipe my hands or clean up small spills,” Antoni explained.

> “I’m really excited to teach this recipe to Dean. He already knows a decent amount about cooking and he seems eager to learn more. I love a willing student. He’s going to get this down in no time and have a wonderful date night dish he can prepare for Castiel and himself at any time.”   


As he unwrapped the short ribs, Antoni had Dean set a large pot on the stove and start chopping the pancetta. “Alright, Dean. So what we’re going to do is brown the short ribs in the pot, working in small batches to avoid overcrowding.” He drizzled some oil into the bottom of the pan and seasoned the meat liberally with Kosher salt and ground black pepper before dropping them into the pot. 

As the short ribs were browned, Antoni took them out and set them aside on a plate, repeating the steps until all of the short ribs were browned perfectly. He poured off the fat from the pot and returned it to the heat. “Okay, Dean. Add the chopped pancetta and we’re going to brown it. Doesn’t take but about five minutes. While we do that, we’re going to chop the onions and peel the carrots.”

“You know, I trust you, but I’m not a huge fan of veggies.” Dean said as he browned the pancetta in the pot, noticing how the flavor from the short ribs came off on the pancetta too. He went over to the cutting board as that cooked and started peeling the carrots first, since they could keep longer than onions. He moved on to the onions. “And I better not see any tears from these onions being edited into something else.” Dean said, narrowing his eyes as Antoni as he pointed the knife at him. 

Antoni raised his hands up in surrender, his eyes wide. “Of course not. We don’t do that sort of thing. We focus on real moments, not manufactured ones.” Antoni assured him genuinely. Dean regarded his face, then he nodded and went back to chopping the onions. “Now toss those onions and carrots into the pot with a couple of sprigs of thyme, and once those are softened, add the wine and the tomatoes.” Antoni instructed, stepping back a bit to watch Dean work.

Dean worked as though he had been doing it his whole life. He tossed the carrots and onions into the pot and moved them around with a wooden spoon, keeping them moving so no single part burned. Once the onions were soft, Dean uncorked the wine and took a sip of it himself, then poured it into the pot. It didn’t flare up like he expected, but he continued the recipe and added the tomatoes too. 

The recipe ended up with Dean putting the short ribs back into the pot and Antoni smiled. “Great! Now you just leave that alone for a few hours! You come back, reduce the sauce, and voila! A perfect meal for any time!” Antoni beamed. 

“I can’t wait to try that, it looks really good. I haven’t cooked anything that complex in awhile. I tend to stick with burgers and box food. I like to cook, I just don’t cook as much as I would like to.” Dean sighed. “My dream would be to open up my own bar someday, you know? Have good food, better alcohol and great company.” Dean looked up to meet Antoni’s surprised face. “What?”

“Dean, thank you for opening up to me. I really appreciate you talking to me about that. I know what its like to have a food related dream. I’d love to open a restaurant some day.” Antoni said, then he patted Dean’s shoulder. “If you open a bar first, I’m coming to work for you. You’ll have the best bar food in the country.” 

Dean liked Antoni. He was a little less overwhelming than his co-stars, but he still had all the same genuine kindness and desire to help others. Dean could definitely see himself being attracted to someone like Antoni. If he was gay, that was. “Sounds like a deal. But I’m not naming it after you just because you’re some hotshot TV star,” Dean teased him with a wink. 

Antoni laughed warmly. “That’s fair enough. I wouldn’t ask that of you anyway. We’ll call it Dean’s Place. Now are you ready to tackle the baklava?”

The baklava was relatively simple. Dean rolled out the dough and put the filling into it and set it in the oven to bake. Once it was golden brown, he took it out and put it on the counter to cool. It took him only about an hour to get it all done, and he just had to spoon the honey mixture over it before serving so it wouldn’t get soggy. Antoni was impressed by Dean’s work, as he rarely got to cook complex things like this. Typically he had to fancy up some avocado and show people how to serve spread on toast. With Dean, he could finally showcase some of his talent. 

Once they finished in the kitchen, they retreated to the library where filming was wrapping up for the day. Dean handed off his mic pack while Sam and Cas talked to Tan. Tan seemed to be enthusiastically gesturing at their clothing, which Sam was enjoying but Castiel didn’t seem to really like. He was doing that cute squint thing he did when he didn’t like what was being said about him.

Wait. 

Did Dean really just think that Castiel’s squint was  _ cute _ ? 

Dean didn’t have much time to think about it before Antoni was speaking up. “It was great working with you today, Dean. You really have a talent in the kitchen, and it was fun making everything. Just make sure you take that pot off in a few hours. It can sit overnight if needed, even a few days too.” Antoni assured him, giving Dean a hug, which surprised him. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Well, not as much. Because tomorrow…” Antoni glanced at Karamo, who was saving Castiel and Sam from Tan’s terror. “You’re going to be at Karamo’s mercy.”

The man heard his name and he looked up, waving at the pair with a bright smile. 

“Cool. I’m sure it’ll be great.” Dean shrugged.

If only Dean knew what was in store for him.


	6. Culture with Karamo Brown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Culture session with Karamo is more like... free therapy with Karamo. Dean learns as much about himself as Karamo learns about him.

Another five AM morning arrived and Dean was immediately cranky.

Since Bobby was working on his room  _ and _ the Dean Cave, the only place Dean could find to crash was a spare room. It had a shitty mattress compared to his, and he was not happy that he had to sleep in a shitty bed in his own bunker. 

Dean emerged from the room in his robe, the production team already getting things ready. Bobby was nowhere to be seen. Dean assumed he was working on the rooms, so he didn’t say anything about it. As Dean was handed his coffee by some PA (gotta love them sometimes), he was ushered into the confessional booth.

> “Uh, hey. It’s day... three… right? It is day three? Well, so far I’ve gotten new clothes, new decor for my room and stuff, and I learned how to cook some cool things. This has been quite the experience so far. Antoni told me I was going to work with Karamo today. I don’t really know what he does. I know he’s the ‘culture’ guy and all, but I don’t really get it. Oh well, guess we’ll find out.”

Dean gathered his things and headed towards the car when Karamo directed him to the Queer Eye pickup truck instead. “Today its just going to be you and me, Dean. I’ll drive. I have a specific place I want to take you.” Karamo said as he opened the passenger door for Dean. Dean looked skeptical, but he got into the car nonetheless.

Dean patted his clothes as Karamo went around, cursing himself. He didn’t have a weapon on him, since he didn’t want any of the crew seeing it. Karamo seemed like a good guy, but Dean’s hunter instincts always warned against anyone who wanted to be alone with him and even taking him there in the first place. Not being the one driving only set Dean further on edge. But Karamo seemed like a genuinely nice, approachable guy- much like the rest of the Fabulous Five- despite being tall and clearly very muscular, so Dean forced himself to relax a little as he buckled into the passenger seat. After breakfast with the cast and crew, mic pack attachments, and- to Dean’s dismay- makeup, the sun was starting to rise as it neared the more reasonable hour of seven AM. It looked pleasant through the nearby frost-outlined trees, almost serene.    


“So, Dean. I haven’t had the chance to get to know you as you’ve been working with the other guys. Tell me first. How have you been enjoying the week so far?”

“Well, it’s definitely different. Kinda weird. It’s taking some getting used to. And by the time I’m used to it, you guys will all be gone. And I’ve never been around this many gay guys at once.” Except for that time he went to a gay bar for karaoke. That was fun. He got a lot of free drinks that night.

“That you know of,” Karamo pointed out. “You only know we’re gay because, well… that’s the gimmick of the show. But be honest… if you didn’t know beforehand… if Queer Eye didn’t exist and you simply met us as a group of friends out for drinks or dinner or something… how many of us would you actually know are gay?”   
  
Karamo made a good point. Dean had to think that over a little bit. “Just one. Just Jonathan. And I think I might wonder about Bobby and Tan, but wouldn’t be able to confirm anything.” 

Karamo chuckled warmly. “Exactly. You see, Dean… people on the LGBTQ spectrum come in all shapes and sizes and colors and personalities. There’s no poster boy, girl, or person for being queer. There are gay men who are into hunting and sports and working out and all of that ‘macho’ and traditionally masculine stuff, there are lesbians who are into fashion and makeup and flowers and all of that traditionally feminine stuff. And there’s everyone in between. Setting expectations for yourself based on your assigned gender and sexual preference can be really limiting. I’m not saying everyone has to be non-binary like Jonathan, but… I’m saying you should open your mind a little more. I know it’s hard, especially if you’ve been raised a certain way. But I think you might surprise yourself when you reframe your thinking and the way you view the world.”

These guys were a lot smarter than Dean might have otherwise given them credit for. He never realized how narrow his world view- or even just his view of himself- had been. They were really opening his eyes to a lot. “Guess I never really thought about it like that,” Dean admitted. 

“A lot of people don’t,” Karamo agreed, nodding. “Even people on the spectrum can start out with a narrow worldview. And just because they’re in one group of marginalized people… doesn’t stop some of them from being oppressive. Something I’ve had to deal with is racist gay people. There are gay people who hate trans people. And trans people are part of the community. At the end of the day, we  _ all _ could do better. But… enough about that. I’m trying to get to know you. You’re not a morning person, you do non-profit work, you met Cas when you were in a dark place in your life, and it’s clear that your loved ones mean a lot to you. What am I missing?”

“Well, I guess that’s me in a nutshell. I like cars. The one I drive: a 1967 Chevy Impala is my baby. She was my dad’s and that car is basically home to me. It’s been the one constant in my life. I mean I don’t love a car more than I love a person, but...it’s hard to describe to someone who might not have been there before. I’m real big on classic rock music. I like drinking. Enough to concern people sometimes, apparently. I like movies… TV. I’m not really picky about that stuff. I’ll watch horror movies, I’ll watch Game of Thrones… my guilty pleasure is a medical drama. I don’t know. It’s… it’s not often in my life I’ve been asked to like… describe myself. Heh, no wonder I’m so bad at dates.” Dean rubbed the back of his neck and glanced over at Karamo.

“No, you’re doing great. And I don’t want to hear any of that. Over the course of the last few days, I’ve noticed how much you degrade yourself. Your family and friends can only love you so much when you don’t love yourself. You need to make sure that you focus on that throughout your life. It can be really difficult to show that love to yourself, but it's absolutely necessary. Without it, you can really suffer every day. If you were in love with someone else, would you let them know how much you loved or cared for them? Not even verbally, but in everything you do?” Karamo asked curiously.

“Well, yeah of course I would.”

“Then why wouldn’t you do that for yourself? You are far more important to yourself than any outside person will ever be.” Karamo explained, putting his hand on Dean’s elbow. 

Dean looked down at his lap. Fuck. He hadn’t known Karamo was some kind of shrink. If he had known that, he didn’t know if he would have agreed to come out here alone with him. Dean had been hoping he wasn’t some monster bent on killing Dean, but now? Maybe Dean would take the monster over trying to love himself.

Karamo pulled into a small parking lot, and Dean peered out the window. 

“A forest? Really?” Dean asked with a raised eyebrow. 

“Yes. Come on, I’ll explain more once we get out there.” Karamo said, getting out of the car and leading the camera crew and Dean into the forest where there was a small clearing. “Alright Dean, we are going to do something that I like to call Scream It To The Heavens. I want you to think of something that bothers you, or something that you may not have told someone before, and I want you to shout it as loud as you can. There’s no one around for at least a mile if not more.” Karamo said. 

Dean frowned, and he looked at the trees around them, then he turned his attention back to Karamo. “So… just anything?” Karamo nodded at him.

Dean took a deep breath and closed his eyes, not wanting to see Karamo’s face when he said it. “Why do I feel so alone?” Dean called out. He opened one eye, and Karamo nodded eagerly again. “Why did my dad hurt me when I didn’t know any better?” Dean’s voice got a little louder. “W-When I was little, I accidentally… someone got in and tried to hurt my brother while I wasn’t in the room. M-My dad…. He wasn’t there either but he blamed me.” Dean's voice quivered as he spoke. That seemed to trigger something in him, and his hurt morphed to rage. 

“Why do I put up a front all the time??” Dean shouted, his fists tight as he put them to his temples. “Why can’t I just be myself?! Why can’t I just tell the people I love that I love them?!” Dean snapped at only himself. “ _ Why can’t I just tell Cas I love him?!”  _

Dean’s eyes snapped open, and he looked at Karamo with wide eyes. “I-I… that wasn’t…. I didn’t…” Dean stammered, and Karamo was quick to rush to Dean and pull him into a tight, warm hug. 

“Hey, hey it's alright. You don’t have to explain anything to me. We all have that moment we realize it, and this is yours.” Karamo murmured. “You are your own person. And you can decide your life however you want. You don’t have to be like anyone else, because you’re already you.” Karamo said, pulling back and holding Dean’s face, watching a tear roll down Dean’s cheek. “And if you ask me, I think that you should definitely talk to Cas about how you feel. I guarantee that he is going to reciprocate.”

“You really think so?” Dean asked, his eyes so full of hope that it melted Karamo’s heart.

“I wouldn’t tell you that if I didn’t think so, Dean. Look, between you and me, we’ve all seen how he looks at you. And we see the way you look at him. You’ve got five people in your house right now who have fallen in love with men before. It’s something very familiar to all of us. When Cas walked in on that very first day we met him, you  _ completely lit up _ . And so did he when he saw you. We all had our suspicions. But we would _ never _ push it. It’s something you have to come to terms with on your own. I know it’s hard. We all know it’s hard. If you want to, I think you should talk to Bobby or Tan about it. They both had relatively similar struggles. Bobby was raised in the church and tried to pray the gay away. Tan’s family is strictly Muslim. Coming to terms with your true identity or a new identity you’ve discovered can be hard. But we’re here for a couple of days yet. And we’re here for you. We’re here to help. And yeah, it’s a TV show, but we do this because we genuinely care.”

Dean sniffled, nodding meekly. “Yeah. It’s uh… it’s kind of intense. No offense.”

“When you’ve gone so long in your life feeling like no one cares about you and definitely not caring about yourself, of course it’s going to be intense when you’ve got five people genuinely caring about you and showing you that and telling you. No offense taken. But people are like… geodes. You know what those are, right?” Dean nodded and Karamo smiled. “Sometimes you gotta break someone open to see the beauty inside. We already knew you were beautiful, Dean. Inside and out. You had to crack yourself open to start to see the same thing. This is a step in the right direction. And I encourage you, honestly… anytime you feel overwhelmed by your own feelings or anything going on in life and maybe you can’t or don’t wanna talk about it, drive somewhere remote like this and shout it to the heavens. Or try primal scream therapy. It’s the same thing, except you literally just scream at the top of your lungs. It’s a great way to healthily release pent up stress and anger or frustration.” Karamo clapped him on the shoulder. “Need to get anything else out?”

Dean thought for a brief moment, then shook his head. “I think that was it. That… really felt good. I never thought of shouting like that. I think I’ll use this again,” he decided. 

“That’s what I like to hear,” Karamo enthused. “You’ve learned something today. You’ve released some of the junk that was blocking you up emotionally. This is an inarguable success. Let’s get you back to the rest of the group.”

> “Dean really laid it all out there today. I’m really impressed with his openness. I think his time with Tan and Antoni has really helped him to move out of his shell at least a little. We’re experiencing change right before our eyes as always, but Dean is such a special case that it is truly an honor to be here witnessing his growth.”   


Back in the truck, Karamo took the scenic route back to the bunker to buy them a little more time to talk. “So… let’s talk a little bit about strategy, hmm? Obviously you’ve told people you have feelings for them before since you’ve been in previous relationships, but you do seem to have a certain level of emotional congestion that makes it difficult for you to say what you need to say to the people who need to hear it. We’ve established your feelings for Cas. In an ideal world, how would you tell him?”

Dean thought for a few moments, looking out the window as he considered what he would do. “In an ideal world…. I would tell him how much he meant to me first. I would let him know that he has saved me more times than I can count, and that I knew the moment I fell in love with him. I’ve never… really been good with my feelings. I think the last person I said I loved was my mom. I just typically don’t say my feelings that often.” He explained, looking over at Karamo. “I also don’t really find myself in relationships all that often. My last long term relationship was almost 7 years ago, and it didn’t end well. The girl practically forgot me at the end of it. I don’t know how to be in a relationship. At least a good one. What if I mess this up?”

“You never really know until you try. No one knows if they found the right one until after the fact. But you have to take that first leap into it. You start off by loving the person you are with, and you take everything else that comes with it together. While you may not be married, those vows are a good way of thinking of a relationship. In sickness and in health, you take care of each other. For better or for worse, you love and support each other. This is how you maintain a good and healthy relationship. Just always keep that in mind, and not much can go wrong. How long have you known you cared about Cas?”

“About 10 years?”

Karamo almost stopped the car, his eyes wide as he looked over at Dean. “You have been in love with this man for 10 years and you haven’t said anything to him??” 

Dean put his hands up defensively, recoiling a little bit in shock. “Uh… no? Didn’t you just hear the whole ‘not good at feelings’ thing?”

“Wow. No, that’s alright. It just surprised me, is all. Since you need some practice, let’s pretend I am Cas. How would you say it right now?” 

“Uh… okay. Hi Cas.”  _ This feels ridiculous _ , he thought with a sour look on his face. “I, well, I’ve been thinking about things recently. About us. I mean, not us together about us separately. And I think uh, maybe we could be together?” 

Yup. Dean was the dumbest man alive. He was certain of it. 

Karamo wasn’t so mean. “Okay, that was a good start! It really was! You made sure to tell Cas everything, albeit, rather simply. Try it again, this time, from the heart. Try not to talk so much about being in a relationship as much as your feelings for him.” 

Dean cleared his throat and steeled himself for another try. “So… we have known each other for awhile now. And we’ve had the good and the bad and… stuff. More good than bad. And you’re my best friend. And… you’ve… saved me so many times. And… I feel like… maybe there could be more than friendship. I feel like I…” He shook his head.

“You seem to get hung up on the word ‘love’. It can be a scary word. There’s a lot of power behind it. And maybe it’s not as easy when it’s me. A stand-in is nothing like the real thing. You keep thinking it over and I have a feeling that in just the right setting, at just the right time, it’ll come a lot easier. You’re letting your head get in the way of your heart. And it’s okay to just let your heart take over sometimes.”

“What if he likes me, but doesn’t care for me like I do him?” Dean finally asked after a short pause to mull over Karamo’s words. 

“Well, I don’t know much about him, but I can tell how he looks at you. It's the same way you look at him when you think he can’t see you. Surely there has been something that shows you that, right?”

Dean was about to refute that when he suddenly remembered something. That day in that barn with Cas choking on black tar from the Lance of Michael. How he had looked at him in the eye and said “I love you,” then looked at the rest of them and said he loved all of them. Was that…? “I think there was… one moment. We were in a rough situation. And… well, we thought he was dying. He looked at me and told me he loved me, but then he told Sam and my mom that he loved all of us. I just thought… it was a general thing. But now… what if it wasn’t?” He asked, looking back at Karamo. 

“That sounds like an admission if I’ve ever heard one.” He gave a little chuckle. “But I get it. This can be hard. How about you make your fancy dinner Antoni was helping you with for Cas? You can wear your fancy new clothes, have your brand new confidence boost and some killer food to go with it. I’ve found that huge moments like that can be aided along by the right circumstance, and you’re dying for the right time to do all this.” 

That seemed an awful lot like a date, but it did sound sort of nice. Dinner with Cas so they could just talk alone? They had never done that before. At least, not in any reputable place or with any real food. Dean gave a firm nod. 

“Let’s do it.”


End file.
